I asked why people vote Republican. And then, to my amazement, I found an answer! I found ten, in fact. In an article for Edge, Jonathan Haidt wrote an article touching on that very subject. What Makes People Vote Republican? is certainly worth the read. Then, for an even more complicated take on the question, read the nine follow-up responses. The writers here have composed far more sophisticated and informed answers to my question.
I'm not abdicating my right to an opinion simply because of of the pedigree of these thinkers and writers, but next to this collection of thoughts, my petty witticisms and ill-informed opinions look kind of pale. I'll let the experts take this one.