Friday, November 21, 2008

Thanksgiving is bullshit

What a ridiculous holiday. Leave it to America to take a perfectly fine holiday reason - giving thanks - and turn it into something cheap and tacky. And unhealthy. And lazy. And mind numbingly boring. As I said, I don't particularly hate Thanksgiving on principle, but I detest it for what it has become. Perhaps I am taking too much from my own personal experience, but from what I can tell, my usual Thanksgivings were not atypical. First, a brief word of explanation and apology to my dear relatives: I do not hate Thanksgiving because of you; I sincerely appreciate the efforts you put in to make the meal delicious and comfortable. That said, Thanksgiving has always been a terrible day, looming like a storm cloud that inevitably rains on my favorite time of year. The main attraction is a dinner. If I gave a shit about sports or parades (I don't), then I might have more to look forward to. Instead, I spent the first half of the day being hungry and wandering around looking for something to do. The meal was fine, but because I was so hungry, and because so much emphasis was placed on it in the first place, you aren't really expected to eat anything less than an unhealthy amount of food. So the second half of the day was spent in stomach-splitting agony, and this time the boredom was here to stay. The men would get drowsy and nap, the women cleaned - maybe I'm remembering that wrong - the division of labor may not have always been so unbalanced. At any rate, none of that mattered because now I had the rest of the day to kill.

So now that I live in Raleigh, I won't be participating in this Thanksgiving. And now that I'm a vegetarian, I won't be having turkey. We are actually having my wife's family up (and down) for the holiday and it is up to me (and my wife, of course) to make sure that the whole day is not swallowed up with the meal.

So here's a fun fact: there's a story, ages old, that turkey contains tryptophan (it does), which causes drowsiness (also true - tryptophan does cause drowsiness). What is not so true is that eating turkey causes one to fall helplessly asleep and thus skip out on the cleanup. I have always been skeptical of this assertion, but I would be plagarizing a large amount of research if I simply declared it false. Instead, check out this link from the Food Detectives, where they test the premise about as scientifically as you could hope The Food Network could manage. Spoiler alert: the turkey element of a Thanksgiving dinner does not cause the drowsiness. What makes people so tired is because they eat too damn much! But watch the video. It's pretty fun.

3 comments:

Fourstorymistake said...

Your memory about the division of labor is accurate.

Anonymous said...

Lets ask a native american what they think about thanks4nothing, giving.

ken ward said...

Greetings,
Only an ignorant white muthafucka would write a comment like that dumb bitch critically pissed wrote. White muthafuckas don't want to understand what they have done because they are the beneficiaries. Have you ever known a muthafucka to steal a country from a people and then say sorry I took your land, do you want it back. These muthafuckas don't want to deal with this issue no more more than they want to deal with the issue of slavery. There favorite slogan is "hey man that happened along time ago, I had nothing to do with it. Can't we just move on". These muthafuckan crackers are a bunch of liers. They stole this land but at the same time in their his story books they say they discovered this shit. The natives befriended these savage muthafuckas by teaching them ( pilgrims ) how to grow crops to feed their ugly ass babies and families. As soon as these devils tricked the natives out of everything they owned, they turned around and killed them all. And thats what thankstaking means.They are thanking their fake ass god for the power to destroy one of the most beautiful civilizations that the earth has ever none. The white man has no civilization because in order to have a civilization one must be civil. Every where he has gone on the face of the earth he has brought nothing but death and destruction to the people around his stank ass, while creating wealth for himself off of the very people he has destroyed. People of color need not celebrate these fictional holidays that these white muthafuckas have used to fool us all . I could go on and on because this shit is endless and will never end. Because in order for these crackers to stay on top they must continue to lie to the masses of people so that so called white superiority can survive. The way to defeat these bastards is to stop celebration their made up holidays so they wont make billions of dollars off of the ignorance of people of color. Wake up people and stand your muthafuckan ground against these racist devils. Stop celebrating all this bullshit. Pick up your books and arm yourself with knowledge. Read about these fake muthafuckas and you will find out that they are a bunch of culture vultures. They everything that ain't nailed to the muthafuckan floor. Every thing the pink man represents is a lie.